Apr
19
another chapter comes to a close
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When I arrived on this island I had a hard time believing I was going to live in the Caribbean for nearly two years. Now my time is up, I’m having a hard time picturing my life in a place other than Saba. This island has truly taught me many life lessons. My experiences have been wide and I’ve met so many wonderful people. This experience has truly enriched my life.
I’ve wanted to write something about how I’m feeling as I close this chapter in my life, but as I sit and think about how to put into words the experience I’ve had, it’s hard to formulate just what to say. Life in the Caribbean has certainly been interesting, and I can’t believe I’m ready to leave. I already miss the way of life to which I’ve become so accustomed. The one thing that is helping me feel excited to leave is that we have been car-less until today. Our friends have gone to St. Maarten for a week and were very kind to let us borrow their car until we leave (they secretly saved our love of the island). I think if we had been car-less for our last 10 days on the island . . . we would have left with a sour taste. The same could probably be said about anywhere we felt confined. However, I still can’t believe I’m actually saying, I’m bored. I still love the view. I still love the pace of life, but it is certainly true that a person should be anxiously engaged in a good cause. Purpose is a good thing. It helps get a person out of bed in the morning and gets them through the day. I guess I have just felt like we’re flying in a holding pattern.
I’m determined to do better with my remaining four days on Saba. I haven’t regretted any time I’ve spent on this island . . . what a shame it would be to regret the end.
Mar
13
mmm . . . i’m gonna miss the view
Filed Under family, happiness, life, saba, school, thoughts | 1 Comment
As my time on Saba draws to a close, people keep telling me to enjoy the time I have left. I understand what they’re saying. Many, if not most, students who come to this island to study medicine view Saba like a prison . . . something akin to Alcatraz. Now, if I were in San Francisco Bay, on Alcatraz island, locked in a cell . . . I’d be counting my days to get off. I do admit, I am counting the days a bit, but it’s not with excitement to get off this “rock”. I am excited for a few things back in the States, but for the most part I’m going to miss everything about this island . . . well not everything.
Emily wrote a post about things she’s going to miss and things she’s not going to miss. Here’s my list.
Things I won’t miss:
- The so called “fast” internet they have on Saba
- Not being able to buy fruit & vegetables every day I go to the store (only once a week – if you make it to the store before everyone else)
- Sitting in a classroom all day long, with the storm shudders closed, freezing cold air conditioning blasting, sitting in a seat built for a high school student
- Not being able to see my family with a greater frequency
Things I will miss:
- The view
- The warm weather
- The view
- Sitting on my patio watching the sky (and it’s reflection in the ocean) change a million different colors as the sun goes down
- The view
- Sitting on my patio at night under a cloudless star-filled sky – truly it’s AMAZING
- The view
- The quietness of this island
- The view
- The calmness of this island
- The view
- The fact that it takes 20 minutes to drive from one end of the island to the other
- The view
- The fact that there is no traffic whatsoever (unless you count getting stuck in Windwardside for 30 seconds while everybody figures out who gets to go first at the corner by Big Rock)
- The view
- Watching the sun rise over the ocean and then being able to go to Wells Bay later that day and see it set on the ocean
- The view
- Really, there are just too many things to list – I could go on and on
- I hate to be cliché, but did I mention, the view is INCREDIBLE?!
So, I love this island and feel, as my time grows to a close, I’ve really taken advantage of pretty much every day I’ve been here. I don’t think one day has passed that I haven’t paused for a moment to appreciate THE VIEW!!! I do have to say, though, that what I treasure most about this island is the perspective it has taught me about life and family. This will have to be another post by itself, but Saba has taught me what is most important in life and how to appreciate it.
That’s St. Barths on the horizon . . . yeah, I’m gonna miss that view!
Feb
19
I took my fifth semester, block two exams today. It seemed kind of monumental as I thought about it. I have one block left on this island of paradise. After all the time we’ve spent on this island, our time is quickly growing to a close and I’m starting to get a little nostalgic. Emily has been talking a lot lately about how our time is growing short. In fact, just the other day we were taking a little walk down the road and she said, “You know, we don’t have too many more opportunities like this.” Step out the door, and walk down the street with a billion dollar view! It’s hard to believe our time on Saba is drawing to a close. We’ve extended our say on this island by splitting up a couple semesters and I know I’ve certainly enjoyed the extra time I’ve been able to spend with my family in the Caribbean (especially as our family and friends are getting dumped on with snow). I am excited, however, to be moving on to the next phase in our lives. The next chapter . . . a new adventure.
I’m sure in many ways, it will still be exciting as we move back to the United States, but I will alway look back on our time in the Caribbean with fondness. I’ve really tried to take the proverbial time to “smell the flowers”. The journey has certainly been sweet. I’m going to make the best of my time left!
Nov
10
saba sunrise
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I’ve always been excited to see the sun rise. Now, that doesn’t mean I’ve seen a whole bunch of them. It takes a lot to get me out of bed in the morning. I’d rather sleep until my body says, “GET OUT OF BED!” Hannah has, fortunately, changed that. It still takes a lot to get me out of bed, but she’s something else. One of the nice side benefits of having her get up anywhere between 5:30 am and 6:30 am is that I get to witness the beginning of another incredible day on this beautiful Earth. Emily recently posted some photos of a sunrise, so here’s my shot at it. I think I took around 280 pictures of the sunrise this morning. It was a spectacular experience watching the sun peak over the horizon. The colors changed constantly and the warmth of the sun gradually fell on my face as it slowly climbed out of the ocean.
What a beautiful day to be alive!
Nov
9
she’s back!
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Emily’s been making fun of me that I haven’t posted anything for a while. True, I used to bug her about letting so much time go by between posts, but I really do have a good excuse . . . I’m in medical school. Tonight, though, I’m going to carve out a few minutes to let everyone know how happy I am to have changed my status. I’m no longer “desamparado”. My wife has returned and I’m no longer the most miserable bachelor in the whole wide world.
Since Emily’s been back, a lot of things have changed:
- I’m eating, er . . . healthy
- I’m focusing better in school
- I’m able to sleep at night
- I’m experiencing the progress Hannah is making in her development
- Seriously, there are too many other things to list . . .
Life really is better now that my dear, sweet, loving wife has returned to this little paradise we like to call home.
Jun
19
healthy body
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Wow! What a day. I had another round of exams today. It wasn’t pretty, but I’m getting through. I’m currently taking Pathology, Pharmacology, and Physical Diagnosis. Pathology and Pharmacology are both very difficult classes due to the shear volume of material I’m expected to internalize within a three week period of time, (the length of our blocks). Physical Diagnosis is a bit easier for me as it’s a little more hands on. It adds another mode of learning for me that I feel comes a bit easier than gleaning all my knowledge from a book. The classes have been very interesting. I’ve learned a lot, but have struggled at times with the tremendous amount of tiny details, (but I guess that’s why I grow in knowledge). The big picture has become more and more clear as my time in basic sciences has progressed. The human body is truly an amazing thing. I marvel at the way it is able to, when functioning normally, maintain our temperature, pH, and all the other inter-environmental factors in line as we go throughout our daily lives . . . not giving two thoughts to our breathing . . . or our heart beating, etc. Truly spectacular! It really makes me grateful to be healthy.
Jun
11
misc hello
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Another beautiful day in the Caribbean! Over the past several weeks, I’ve been saying that to myself at least once a day while looking out over the ocean from our patio. The weather has become a bit warmer during the day, but it usually cools down as the sun ducks behind Mt. Scenery. The clouds are starting to produce a bit of lightning and thunder. The sky, ocean, and view are just breathtaking! I still find it hard to believe I live in the Caribbean. I’ve certainly become accustomed to this simple, slow-paced lifestyle in one of the most beautiful places on Earth. It will be hard to leave.
This semester has certainly taken its toll on me so far . . . and I’m only five weeks into it. I’m completely overwhelmed by two of my classes . . . Pathology and Pharmacology. The good thing is that Emily has dedicated herself to helping me learn the endless list of drugs, their applications, side effects, and all the other minutia required by the curriculum. I’ve really enjoyed having her help me study. It reminds me of when we worked at our wedding gown store together. I love spending time with my wife! Anyway, it’s really been helping me remember the drugs as I have someone to which I can explain the mechanisms etc. Studying with her has also freed up a bit of my time as my studying has become more efficient.
Hannah is growing faster than ever! She’s about 10.5 months old. She’s got two teeth visible on the bottom, and two on the top that have recently broken the surface. They’re not quite visible without close inspection. She’s not yet walking . . . but she’s getting close. She pulls herself up on anything she crawls up to . . . the couch, chairs, the wall, and even our sliding glass door. (That’s one of my favorites!) When she pulls herself up to the chairs around the table, she likes to yank on them and move them around. She doesn’t move them very far, but she gets the most triumphant look on her face . . . kinda like, “Look Dad, I’ve just moved the house!” She’s added so much joy and depth to our lives. I can’t imagine not having her in our family.
Well, that’s about all the free time I have today. From the Caribbean . . . smile!
Mar
21
the journey
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Just a quick note about my little friend at the top of the page. It is a Saban Anole. There are many different kinds of Anoles in the world, but this type is unique to Saba. Monday morning last week I was enjoying the beautiful morning weather when I noticed this little critter in a bucket we use to capture condensation from our air conditioner. At a first glance, I thought it was dead. I nudged the bucket and it started moving, (I actually think it’s a female . . . so I’ll call it a she). I was amazed how she was just floating . . . trying to keep her nose above the water. I imagine she had been there for quite a while. She must have been trying to leap from one surface to another when she lost footing and did a swan dive into our little bucket. The overnight temperatures right now are dipping to a chilly 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Being a cold blooded creature she was getting pretty lethargic in that nippy water. I started to pour out the water to save my new little friend. Once she hit the ground, she just sat there . . . motionless. I reached down to see if she’d run away, like they normally do, but she actually crawled up on my hand. Then, I tried to get her to crawl onto the railing in the sun so she could warm up, but she wouldn’t move. I placed her on the railing and decided to take advantage of a perfect Kodak moment.
I was able to get many close-up pictures of her, but something seemed to be amiss. She was moving slower and slower and although she was getting warmer, she wasn’t becoming more alert. I became concerned for her and tried to find a nice spot for her to convalesce. I came back in a few minutes and she hadn’t moved. In fact, I was unable to detect any breathing which had been previously evident. My heart sank. All the knowledge I’ve been gaining in medical school couldn’t help her live. I started thinking about how long she must have spent in the bucket of water . . . trying to get out with all her might. Draining from her muscles every last molecule of energy. I imagine I’d do the same thing finding myself in a similar situation.
These thoughts made me think about situations I will encounter as a future physician. If not in my practice, I will encounter death during my clinical rotations. Death is a large part of medicine. We do everything we can to push it back as far as possible. We learn and study about how the body functions from the smallest known particle through the interactions of humans and the world around them. One more day. One more week. One more month. One more year. Life expectancy has certainly increased in the United States, but one thing is certain. Everyone will eventually check out of this life. I’ve often heard the phrase, “. . . the only things constant in life are death and taxes.” A true statement, but it still doesn’t make the transition any easier. Nobody can explain to you what it will feel like to die. Where you will be focusing your attention and thoughts when death is knocking on your door. Although, I imagine I’ll be thinking about my loved ones . . . which reminds me of another trite expression. “When you’re lying on your death bed, I doubt you’ll be wishing you spent more time at the office,” . . . or working on your hobby . . . or watching more TV. It may be trite, but I’d imagine it can’t be too far off base. I guess what I’m trying to say is . . . take a few minutes and think about your life. Stop whatever you’re doing and ask yourself, “What is really important?” Is it your status at the office? Is it how you compare to your neighbors? Is it what you do and don’t have in your possession? We’ll all be a little better off if we appreciate the things we have and express our gratitude to those who mean the most in our lives. Enjoy where you are and slow down a few notches. The world is passing by far too quickly, and the journey can be truly amazing!
Mar
13
desire for life
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Today was overcast and a bit rainy. Not enough rain to do much in the way of filling our cistern, but enough to moisten the ground. I love the post rain smell – it reminds me of a song I used to sing in primary talking about being as clean as Earth right after rain. Of course, I was only able to enjoy the smell a few minutes today as I was sitting in a dark air conditioned classroom from 10:15 am to 6:00 pm. However, when I arrived home the weather was quiet, calm, and relaxing. The clouds were hanging low and there was a stillness in the air.
I just came inside from our patio. I was looking out into the calm darkness over the ocean. I was letting the dogs out to do their business and was hugging Emily while I waited. I said to her, “I want to go and wake Hannah.” This often happens when we’ve been looking at pictures of her while she is sleeping. I haven’t seen her since leaving for school this morning. She’s been such a joy. She’s kind of like Seinfeld – he ended his TV series at the pinnacle of his success. Hannah has the same kind of timing – she knows when to exit stage left (go to sleep). We are always wanting more.
This brings me to another thought I was having while talking about Hannah. Emily and I will be married 10 years this July. Time has passed very quickly. We’ve had many great times as well as our share of challenges. One of the largest challenges we’ve dealt with is the inability to have children for the first seven plus years of our marriage. Many people we’ve met through the years are surprised infertility could pose any kind of difficulty. In fact, we were sitting in a Sunday school class a while ago discussing challenges in marriages. Emily mentioned the inability to have children, and nearly every person in the room seemed shocked it could pose any difficulty in a marriage. We’ve experienced many shades of emotion through the years – anger, frustration, faith, despondency, hope, and resignation being a few. When we found out Emily was pregnant, the emotions moved in like a summer thunderstorm. (Actually, they moved in a bit before but that’s a story for another day.) We had wanted a child so much for so long – it was finally a potential reality. I think that’s one of the greatest contributors to our view of parenthood. We wanted it for so long – it had the chance to grow deep roots into our hearts. Hannah’s birth was another burst of emotion. The first time we heard her cry was truly a special moment I will never forget.
Well, post number two is in the bag. Life is good. Enjoy it while you’re here.
Mar
12
being happy
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Welcome to the inaugural post to my blog. I’ve been reading Emily’s posts and really enjoying them. She’s inspired me to start writing. I’ve been keeping a journal off and on, but need to be more consistent. I’m hoping this helps me write a little more often.
Occasionally, Emily and I eat a meal on our patio overlooking the ocean. It is a feature of our apartment we rank #1. Emily thought about moving for a short period after arriving on Saba. Looking back she wonders what brain she was using to come up with that decision. The view has been one of the main things keeping her sanity while living on this tiny island in the middle of the ocean.
We had a friend over for dinner last night and ate on the patio. The weather was, as I describe, the reason we are currently in the “high season” in the Caribbean. The temperature was ~78 F. There was a very light breeze which made the air just perfect. After dinner, we sat around the table talking about various topics, but the main thing impacting me was the beauty of the situation. I love living in the Caribbean with my family. I can’t imagine being here and experiencing this without them. This experience has truly helped me understand the difference between needs and wants. We live very simple. What I need is my family with me wherever I go. I can’t fathom living without them. They are truly my strength.
There are many unhappy people on this island . . . and there are many happy people on this island. It’s really a microcosm of life anywhere else. The difference being the absence of distractions constantly blasting in your face vying for your attention. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve made the decision to be happy and love my situation and I don’t think I could be any happier. I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in the world, doing anything else, with anyone else. I’ve read several books about happiness and through my own experience I’ve proven several of their ideas. Happiness is a state of mind . . . a decision. Emily, I’m sure, gets tired of hearing me say it, but I can’t see it any other way. Happiness is a decision. People decide to be all kinds of stuff. Each person decides how they are going to respond to every situation . . . they may not do so consciously, but it is still up to them. Don’t get me wrong, I experience my share of stress, frustration, and sadness, but experiencing these contrasting emotions only heightens my enjoyment of life. I love life. I love my wife. I love my daughter and am amazed daily at how much joy I’ve experienced since she’s been a part of my life.